Trickery and manipulation are one of the many traits of a narcissist. The true signs of narcissism aren’t apparent until you are actually living with a narcissist and that mostly happens after marriage. Most people who are married to a narcissist would spend their life living up to their spouse’s forceful demands.
Anyone who wants to live in peace needs to distance themselves from such narcissistic personalities. Be it a friend, relative, or even your spouse, staying in touch with such people will only bring you harm. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to recognize a narcissist until it’s too late. Still, there are some signs that you can look for in your new acquaintances, especially if it’s a matter of love and marriage.
What is narcissism?
According to phycologists, narcissism is categorized as a personality disorder. Those with the gravest symptoms of narcissism are said to be suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It’s a disorder that causes people to act in a socially upsetting way, which prevents them from functioning properly in different reigns of life.
A narcissistic person is always empowered by self-deep insecurities and ego. In such relations, even if you attempt to make comprises and sacrifices, it might still be difficult to save the relationship. Mostly because a spouse with narcissist traits won’t be ready to talk through issues and will always try to be in control of your life.
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8 signs of narcissistic personality disorder
1. They are extremely charming
A narcissist always has a lot of confidence in themselves. They are organized; they care for themselves and may appear perfect in many ways. If these are the traits of a normal person, it’s appreciated, but in a narcissist, these are only the signs of trouble.
In the beginning, you will love them, and appreciate them, and even the intimacy will be great. However, as you start living with them, their true color will be exposed. That’s why it’s always recommended to never judge the book by its cover. If you are going to marry this person, try to know more about them and do not be in a haste.
You want to marry someone who cares and respects you, but a narcissist is simply self-obsessed and would never keep anyone above himself/herself.
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2. They like to be in control
Most times when a relationship fails, the reason is a dominating partner. It takes two-person to create a relationship. In addition, both of them must have a say in every small and big decision in life.
A person with narcissist characteristics wants to control everything around them. They will be micromanaging your life in every way possible. For instance, they will make plans for you and cancel them without even consulting you. By any chance, if you try to deny their demands they will sulk forever making you feel guilty about your ways.
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3. Even the compliments are well-staged
First, it is very difficult for a narcissist to praise someone. Even if they make an effort to do so there will be hidden taunts and comments, which are meant to hurt and disrespect you. For example, they will say things like “Look, how well my advice worked for you.”
Adding to this, a good compliment will come only when you are in the company of others. They will prove themselves a good person and will make everyone believe how much they love or admire you. Their act is so beautifully devised that no one would ever believe that this person could hurt you.
Most people will take time to understand the behavior of their spouse. Initially, they will consider it as a phase that will pass. The sudden shift of personality is difficult to relate to. However, if it is a narcissist, you are married to; believe us these habits will keep getting worse.
4. They will keep you for themselves
For a narcissist, you are like a trophy or asset, something that they don’t want to share with anyone. Once you start believing in them or getting married, they will kick-start their plan to distance you from family and friends. This will be a gradual and well-planned process, which might take a year or two.
Your spouse will start telling things like; they do not like your friend very much. As time passes, it will shift to blaming and badmouthing them. Eventually, you will start believing your spouse and willingly create a distance with your friends. At a point, you will be left alone and vulnerable, and that is when they will start taking control of your life.
5. They cannot take any sort of criticism
Narcissists are the finest and greatest in their own eyes. So, they would become highly defensive, even on the slightest hint of criticism. Even if you don’t mean to target them, they will take it upon themselves because of personal insecurities. For example, even if you are just discussing the pending bills, they will assume that you are pointing toward their inability to pay the bills.
Being unable to take criticism is one of those signs that start showing from the very beginning of the relationship. So, whenever you meet someone new, notice how he or she reacts to your criticism.
6. They will make you self-doubt
If you are living with a narcissist, get ready to be criticized in every way possible. They will have a say in everything, be it your choice of clothes, weight, hairstyle, friends, family job decisions, parenting, and every little thing. The extent of criticism is so bad that you will start self-doubting yourself. But, always remember that manipulation is the biggest trait of a narcissist.
7. They can be ruthless when you plan to leave
If you ever dare to leave, it’s going to be more difficult than you had ever imagined. A narcissist spouse will go to any extent to keep you from leaving and this is the time when their most dangerous side appears. First, they will try to turn your friends and family against you.
If you are still adamant about leaving, they might spread false rumors and can even harm you. The situation can turn bad if there are kids involved, as a narcissist would not hesitate in bringing the kids in between all this. Don’t be afraid, take a stand for yourself as well as the kids, and do what’s good.
8. Refusal to see their problem
Even if you are sure that your spouse has narcissistic characteristics, it’s not possible to make them see their problems. They have been working all their life to satisfy their ego and can go to any extent to cover up their faults. Most times, their partners are afraid to confront them, because they can be highly defensive and sometimes aggressive also.
While it’s not easy to change a narcissist’s personality, you can still do your bit to help them. Make them realize that they are hurting their relations and if they agree to work on their behavior, appreciate them for it.
Still, it’s easier said than done. If you actually want to work on your relationship, it’s better to take professional help. Take the help of a therapist as they can accurately diagnose the mental condition of your spouse. Besides, relationship counseling will also give to you the strength to work on your marriage.
It’s good to work on your relationship, but if you are married to a narcissist, just take a few moments to evaluate whether it’s worth staying in the relationship.
In case, nothing works and you want a divorce, contact a reputed divorce attorney and let them handle the negotiations and proceeding. When fighting against a narcissist, you would require a bulletproof strategy, because such people can go to any extent to win the case. A good lawyer would know how to motivate and incentivize such a person to resolve the issues. It’s their job to work on cases like yours, so they know the extent of narcissism and would try to keep ahead. Besides, working with good lawyers will also mean that you will gain your confidence and strength back.
How The Aberdeen Law Firm Can Help
If you are married to a narcist, getting out of your marriage may be much more difficult than if you were married to someone who doesn’t suffer from this disorder. If you need help, we are here for you. We can help you get a divorce with as little emotional trauma and damage as possible. Going through a divorce is a stressful and emotional and costly process that you shouldn’t go through alone. We have the experience and know-how to take on even the most difficult of personalities.
We can talk to you at length to develop a game plan to get you divorced and moved on with your life in the most cost-effective way possible. If you are worried or scared, we understand and we are here for you.
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